Birthday

Had such a great fun few days ago during 18th birthday!
Got a new bag from piggie is so happy and it is rilakuma... Which is my favourite anime character.... I was really thank God for everything He has blessed me for everyday.... Actually i wan to post it on the day but just that i was too busy on the day... Haiz... Everything is so under my hand... So stressful....

sad life

Why is my life like this? Everyday in my life there must be sadness.... I was just being caring enough but why does someone need to be the one who really go destroy it.... I have been thinking all this while that is my relationship is the good wan or bad wan cause there is too many things between the two of us especially during this Christmas season... He had so many things that even the both of us of meeting up is so short then usual... I admit that i am jealous of him that he is so busy with his stuff i really wan to be as busy as him at least i wouldn't be so angry everyday and jealous of him everytime....
Good for him that he is serving the Lord so well i am happy but i just really tends to jealous... I wish that he has some times with me... At least 4 times but i just wish that i could be like my leader that i would be like just busy on their own... But they still can communicate with each other... Haiz... Why just my life is so tough? Tougher than ordinary people...
Just hope that everything would be just fine than anything else... Tears rolling down my cheeks...

Happiness

Today i am very happy cause i am able to see my idol and heard them singing is was really a praise God.... And today i am also being bless by God that my leaders had attached although is awarkard to see them standing together and like i am quite shy but sometimes i am really like i do see them so well communicated and i really didn't expect them to be together... To me is quite a shocking news but as they were sharing and i was nervous about my usher interview but thank God that all along it was okay... But God had spoke to me twice once is during service second was during my leaders are sharing...
Firstly was my idol had struck me a verse in NIV genesis 1:16 which was God had created two light and one is dimmer and one is brighter but i have learn God does not make a difference between ourselves but is just to tell that He has a purpose for you that you are here in this world... Even thought you had a better friend which shines brighter than you or did something that both of you had in common but she is brighter than just don't care about the comparison... Is more towards yourself and is important for during our young age... To persue which God had want to lead us into... No matter what don't give up... Secondly i was struck by my leader which they are attached... I begin to sense that they had the confident although they are older than me but i wish that God would use them as role model to others but not to others but to me and dear... Which my leaders share is like i felt there is part of me is the same which like they would set boundaries for one another and although like other couple which is like argument all those but God had show them ways and i wish that God would had give me some hints about things that could set up a proper relationship with God... I mean to me it really sound very powerful... I was really envy and admit of their faith through this relationship... For me now i think i had found someone to help me and to guide me along... Like at least no matter what i am going to change what God want me to do and also to slowly to increase the faith and to really look for God everyday and every moment...

So stress

Haiz... Today is my science practical day... Very nervous when before starting examination... Totally cannot sleep well... Then when before exams i just know that dear is sick... Such a failing gf that don't know her bf is sick... But i have to priorty my exam first... During my exam i am totally stuck... Super hard for physics i just roughly do it,although the question is about refraction and water combination...  Just hope that next year hen i getting result i wouldn't be too upset... I cannot let my teachers down... But i really thank God as at the very last second. When the examiner says pens down,i just finish wrote of my last word in conclusion... Then after the whole exam ended,i was very worried cause of my bf he is sick... Then i try to contact him but he didn't reply my message or call... So i was telling myself that he might be resting... Then when i am going home have to do chinese medication... I thought he would be online as i saw 'active now' on facebook... I try to message him but no reply... Haiz... Then i was too tired i fall asleep jin the evening,just woke up in the midnight however he then reply after so long... I was so angry but now i am calming myself down since he is sick... Tomorrow is friday so i am going to study myself at the library at night,my friends will come and join me... :) Which my friends also took the same paper as me then they told me today physics was hard then i told them i know.... Even in chemistry the conclusion part a lot of them could not finish so i said is alright,theory we work tpgether to get a better result... :) so today i live in an angry,sad,tired,moodless day... And i just realize that i didn't have my dinner at all... And i took only a proper lunch thats all... Wow!

Miss you

Haiz... It is being 3 months from now... But when u show me your scheldue i really think that u very busy and i don't think i want to disturb u that why my temper became that bad... Cause i am jealous in a  lot  of things,i don't have the secure from much things although that physically i may look that i am okay but in actual fact is that i am hurting myself. But i promise that i wouldn't ever disturb u even in the night even u tell me to wait i try my best to wait for your reply but always that i have to wait for very long. I try to stop hurting myself but i just can't stop it. Bit by bit my old-self came back with a lot of hurt. I try to stop but i just can't. Everyday just have tears round my eyes let busy to overcome the super miss of you. But as i facing the four walls i tend to think even more negative stuff instead of letting myself to be more stronger as it was. I try to be more independent. Please just ignore me as you want. I am already exhausted in a lot of things. I don't want to be like an idiot looking at my phone almost every few seconds. Just let me think. I really too tired.

falling heart

Now my heart is falling... Tired... Sad... So many things have to do.... God had helped me... Jiayou for myself....
Looks like i have to get things right by myself....

Chance?

Yesterday have a quarrel again... Don't know what to do... Really thinking should i give him a chance to let him to treat me good again? I really hesistate... At the split second i really cried and wan to break up... But a voice in my heart said ask him... He said he still treat me as his gf...
Although got heal my heart a bit but i still not fully happy... I need chocolate to heal my heart again... :(

Crying

Now almost every Day since friday i have been crying... Yesterday was the big cry but no one knows i have to say out then other people know people ask am i okay but actually in my heart i am not okay at all... I have been hurting my physical body but i don't feel pain at all just having tears down my cheecks... I now don't have the mood to be cheer up... Now i am a sinful person... Cause i am drinking beer the 2nd time within 2 days... I felt better after hurting and drinking... But no one knows my feeling even i have to tell him to check my blog then he will notice what happen... :(

不知道该怎么说

现在我真的不知道要怎么做，心很乱，做这个可能不对，做那个可能又不对。
时间好妙哦！不知不觉两个月了。好无聊，想跟他小聊天，可是他很忙，我又不能一直烦他。那么要怎么做呢？很想他！:(

Burden? Problem? Obey!

Haiz... Don't know why that I have such a feeling... I suddenly felt that I am a burden to my bf.... I suddenly felt like I am a very irritating person... Yesterday was the prayermeet i felt very refresh and happy then today my mum vomit in my heart i have prayed and ask God for help maybe i don't have the sense but i have really thank God for everything... Yesterday i was really thank God although yesterday my LG was only 3 person but i know God had spoken to me... Maybe suddenly God ask me to really do His word in a special way and i was so happy that i was able to lead a group prayer.... I was so happy that dear is with me when on the way to prayermeet with my group although it led to friends to know but at least i felt conmfort... Although today is our 2nd month anni and we couldn't celebrate together but yesterday just the time had turn 12 midnight we were on our way home.... :) so there is a time spending with each other.... But i hope that God had gave us more... But i know that God would have His way and maybe this is the problems that we have to face till the big problem comes which is a cliff rather than a valley... But hope that God would bless me and the people around me also hope that my sister and brother have a good day... Hope that everything between me and dear would have a good and well time spent with each other also to my friends as well who are now struggling with relationship also studies.... Also for my studies,may God have bless me and I would continue to praise God and to obey His words and i would need to buy a bible soon because the phone bible is seriously make me to play games rather to know the word of God... Also wish that i would not be a burden to dear who love me a lot and also that i can be independent when i am not with him and miss him a lot... :(

Rather to be sick

Now is heavy rain,just came back with a wet and cold body... Now i really rather to be sick as not many things will be in my mind... I am very confused now,don't know what to do,just don't want to change my clothes felt like i want to go and under the heavy rain again... 站在雨中，人就不知道我是在哭还是雨水滴在我的脸上，心情真的很不好受。我不知道要怎样面对现实，不知道要往哪里走，我的目标是什么，我的理想是什么，每个女孩子都想要有一个完整的家，可是我有个半破碎的家，很多事都要我扛，看来我年底的梦想应该是破灭了。只好等到我真的有能力才能去做吧！希望的我的梦想能成真，不让我的遗憾可能会很大！

miss him

Haiz... so miss him... Today suppose to meet him but he is busy right now i was sad but on sunday we are meeting up again so busy recently.... He looks so tired.... Really hope that God would always with him to give him strength... But now i am feeling okay but just that i am thinking of things of what to do about my exams and also to get busy so i won't disturb him.... No matter what i must not disturb him for anything and affect him by my emotions... Hope he is happy now....

What to do...

Now i am confused... I really don't know what to do... Look at him so busy i want to help him but i could not,i got no stand tohelp him in anything... :( see him so tired,my heart feels pain for him...now i try not to disturb him what he said to me yesterday make me feels that i scared that he will leave me... Left me all alone...

Felt sweet today

Felt very sweet from dear today! So happy that he is with me again the whole day although is like only a few hours but i am very happy and also good that he is with me and i will cherish every single second of mins with him,no matter what i really want to thank him cause he made an effort today to follow me to go buy what my mum wants and he then go have his lunch.... I felt very sweet! As in like not every guy would want to follow a girl to buy stuff especially in a hot weather and also take his lunch after buying my things! :) very happy and i felt very blessful by God! As in what God send him to me is a really big present and i really thank God of what He had done to my life also in dear's life! :) I really want to thank God and dear who had help me in my life and really to change some parts of my life! No matter what now as in my national exams are coming... I will continue to walk with God and i will accompany dear no matter what happen just hope that not very serious things will happen and we can influence each other by our good side! Also what God want us to do to expand His Kingdom and His way for us! :)

Sick

Felt super sick now although there is no more flu but i felt like vomitting... Damn suffering man... :( so many things have happen so stressful... Ah!!! What to do seriously too stress need to go and destress le... No matter what by this week i need to relax my mind also must take my medicine as normal if not really is super dizzy and having a terrible headache!

What should i do?

Felt sad although today very happy that i pass some subject... He was very angry and i think if i made a mistake i could piss him off easily... Now resting my mind... Don't want to know anything... Feels like crying and want to find a place to hide myself or to lock myself up... Cold and sleepy now... What am i suppose to do? Really really really sad i now going to cry already... Tears going to round my eyes.... Seriously.. I know he is busy,i know he is tired,he having his exams but at least inform me... I won't even go and disturb him for what.... I felt that i am a failing girl.... :( haiz... What to do! What should i do? I want to at leat help him,but i couldn't cause i am not as smart as him...  Felt that i am so useless... :( perhaps i am not the girl for him? Have a lots of doubt... Is this what he feels? Don't feel like asking him,is not i don't have confident in him is i think i am totally a fail girl... Don't even think for him...

Very happy... :)

Although haven't got back my results back for combined humanities but i was happy that i managed to pass my english which is on the risky side... But this is not yet end i still got one last major exam to go which is my O'levels... :) and somemore got rewards from someone special and my parents was very happy about it... :) but instead of going more arrogant and not going to study but i am going to study more harder i can't don't be going into a poly.... Must and definately... :) Jiayou for myself and to my loved one and my only one beside God... :) dear,you can do it for your exams de! :) jiayou... Darling will continue to support you till the end... :) Don't give up,jiayou oh!!! :)

Love has been here but sad now

Very upset from my relationship

n'level is coming

haha... hi guys long time no see le. i am back... after going to be 1 year? i suppose...
now i am very nervous cause my national exam is coming le...

thinking

i think that everyone have their own life no matter there is any problems,there will be solution for it but the problem is did you ever think that solution before or you just only want to run away from it? just having fun is not a problem but it is because we does have this situation many times but have to say that if it the timing to play then let it be fun,if it is not the timing to have fun,then serious about it....