Miss you

Haiz... It is being 3 months from now... But when u show me your scheldue i really think that u very busy and i don't think i want to disturb u that why my temper became that bad... Cause i am jealous in a  lot  of things,i don't have the secure from much things although that physically i may look that i am okay but in actual fact is that i am hurting myself. But i promise that i wouldn't ever disturb u even in the night even u tell me to wait i try my best to wait for your reply but always that i have to wait for very long. I try to stop hurting myself but i just can't stop it. Bit by bit my old-self came back with a lot of hurt. I try to stop but i just can't. Everyday just have tears round my eyes let busy to overcome the super miss of you. But as i facing the four walls i tend to think even more negative stuff instead of letting myself to be more stronger as it was. I try to be more independent. Please just ignore me as you want. I am already exhausted in a lot of things. I don't want to be like an idiot looking at my phone almost every few seconds. Just let me think. I really too tired.

falling heart

Now my heart is falling... Tired... Sad... So many things have to do.... God had helped me... Jiayou for myself....
Looks like i have to get things right by myself....

Chance?

Yesterday have a quarrel again... Don't know what to do... Really thinking should i give him a chance to let him to treat me good again? I really hesistate... At the split second i really cried and wan to break up... But a voice in my heart said ask him... He said he still treat me as his gf...
Although got heal my heart a bit but i still not fully happy... I need chocolate to heal my heart again... :(

Crying

Now almost every Day since friday i have been crying... Yesterday was the big cry but no one knows i have to say out then other people know people ask am i okay but actually in my heart i am not okay at all... I have been hurting my physical body but i don't feel pain at all just having tears down my cheecks... I now don't have the mood to be cheer up... Now i am a sinful person... Cause i am drinking beer the 2nd time within 2 days... I felt better after hurting and drinking... But no one knows my feeling even i have to tell him to check my blog then he will notice what happen... :(

不知道该怎么说

现在我真的不知道要怎么做，心很乱，做这个可能不对，做那个可能又不对。
时间好妙哦！不知不觉两个月了。好无聊，想跟他小聊天，可是他很忙，我又不能一直烦他。那么要怎么做呢？很想他！:(

Burden? Problem? Obey!

Haiz... Don't know why that I have such a feeling... I suddenly felt that I am a burden to my bf.... I suddenly felt like I am a very irritating person... Yesterday was the prayermeet i felt very refresh and happy then today my mum vomit in my heart i have prayed and ask God for help maybe i don't have the sense but i have really thank God for everything... Yesterday i was really thank God although yesterday my LG was only 3 person but i know God had spoken to me... Maybe suddenly God ask me to really do His word in a special way and i was so happy that i was able to lead a group prayer.... I was so happy that dear is with me when on the way to prayermeet with my group although it led to friends to know but at least i felt conmfort... Although today is our 2nd month anni and we couldn't celebrate together but yesterday just the time had turn 12 midnight we were on our way home.... :) so there is a time spending with each other.... But i hope that God had gave us more... But i know that God would have His way and maybe this is the problems that we have to face till the big problem comes which is a cliff rather than a valley... But hope that God would bless me and the people around me also hope that my sister and brother have a good day... Hope that everything between me and dear would have a good and well time spent with each other also to my friends as well who are now struggling with relationship also studies.... Also for my studies,may God have bless me and I would continue to praise God and to obey His words and i would need to buy a bible soon because the phone bible is seriously make me to play games rather to know the word of God... Also wish that i would not be a burden to dear who love me a lot and also that i can be independent when i am not with him and miss him a lot... :(

Rather to be sick

Now is heavy rain,just came back with a wet and cold body... Now i really rather to be sick as not many things will be in my mind... I am very confused now,don't know what to do,just don't want to change my clothes felt like i want to go and under the heavy rain again... 站在雨中，人就不知道我是在哭还是雨水滴在我的脸上，心情真的很不好受。我不知道要怎样面对现实，不知道要往哪里走，我的目标是什么，我的理想是什么，每个女孩子都想要有一个完整的家，可是我有个半破碎的家，很多事都要我扛，看来我年底的梦想应该是破灭了。只好等到我真的有能力才能去做吧！希望的我的梦想能成真，不让我的遗憾可能会很大！