Birthday

Had such a great fun few days ago during 18th birthday!
Got a new bag from piggie is so happy and it is rilakuma... Which is my favourite anime character.... I was really thank God for everything He has blessed me for everyday.... Actually i wan to post it on the day but just that i was too busy on the day... Haiz... Everything is so under my hand... So stressful....

sad life

Why is my life like this? Everyday in my life there must be sadness.... I was just being caring enough but why does someone need to be the one who really go destroy it.... I have been thinking all this while that is my relationship is the good wan or bad wan cause there is too many things between the two of us especially during this Christmas season... He had so many things that even the both of us of meeting up is so short then usual... I admit that i am jealous of him that he is so busy with his stuff i really wan to be as busy as him at least i wouldn't be so angry everyday and jealous of him everytime....
Good for him that he is serving the Lord so well i am happy but i just really tends to jealous... I wish that he has some times with me... At least 4 times but i just wish that i could be like my leader that i would be like just busy on their own... But they still can communicate with each other... Haiz... Why just my life is so tough? Tougher than ordinary people...
Just hope that everything would be just fine than anything else... Tears rolling down my cheeks...

Happiness

Today i am very happy cause i am able to see my idol and heard them singing is was really a praise God.... And today i am also being bless by God that my leaders had attached although is awarkard to see them standing together and like i am quite shy but sometimes i am really like i do see them so well communicated and i really didn't expect them to be together... To me is quite a shocking news but as they were sharing and i was nervous about my usher interview but thank God that all along it was okay... But God had spoke to me twice once is during service second was during my leaders are sharing...
Firstly was my idol had struck me a verse in NIV genesis 1:16 which was God had created two light and one is dimmer and one is brighter but i have learn God does not make a difference between ourselves but is just to tell that He has a purpose for you that you are here in this world... Even thought you had a better friend which shines brighter than you or did something that both of you had in common but she is brighter than just don't care about the comparison... Is more towards yourself and is important for during our young age... To persue which God had want to lead us into... No matter what don't give up... Secondly i was struck by my leader which they are attached... I begin to sense that they had the confident although they are older than me but i wish that God would use them as role model to others but not to others but to me and dear... Which my leaders share is like i felt there is part of me is the same which like they would set boundaries for one another and although like other couple which is like argument all those but God had show them ways and i wish that God would had give me some hints about things that could set up a proper relationship with God... I mean to me it really sound very powerful... I was really envy and admit of their faith through this relationship... For me now i think i had found someone to help me and to guide me along... Like at least no matter what i am going to change what God want me to do and also to slowly to increase the faith and to really look for God everyday and every moment...

So stress

Haiz... Today is my science practical day... Very nervous when before starting examination... Totally cannot sleep well... Then when before exams i just know that dear is sick... Such a failing gf that don't know her bf is sick... But i have to priorty my exam first... During my exam i am totally stuck... Super hard for physics i just roughly do it,although the question is about refraction and water combination...  Just hope that next year hen i getting result i wouldn't be too upset... I cannot let my teachers down... But i really thank God as at the very last second. When the examiner says pens down,i just finish wrote of my last word in conclusion... Then after the whole exam ended,i was very worried cause of my bf he is sick... Then i try to contact him but he didn't reply my message or call... So i was telling myself that he might be resting... Then when i am going home have to do chinese medication... I thought he would be online as i saw 'active now' on facebook... I try to message him but no reply... Haiz... Then i was too tired i fall asleep jin the evening,just woke up in the midnight however he then reply after so long... I was so angry but now i am calming myself down since he is sick... Tomorrow is friday so i am going to study myself at the library at night,my friends will come and join me... :) Which my friends also took the same paper as me then they told me today physics was hard then i told them i know.... Even in chemistry the conclusion part a lot of them could not finish so i said is alright,theory we work tpgether to get a better result... :) so today i live in an angry,sad,tired,moodless day... And i just realize that i didn't have my dinner at all... And i took only a proper lunch thats all... Wow!

Miss you

Haiz... It is being 3 months from now... But when u show me your scheldue i really think that u very busy and i don't think i want to disturb u that why my temper became that bad... Cause i am jealous in a  lot  of things,i don't have the secure from much things although that physically i may look that i am okay but in actual fact is that i am hurting myself. But i promise that i wouldn't ever disturb u even in the night even u tell me to wait i try my best to wait for your reply but always that i have to wait for very long. I try to stop hurting myself but i just can't stop it. Bit by bit my old-self came back with a lot of hurt. I try to stop but i just can't. Everyday just have tears round my eyes let busy to overcome the super miss of you. But as i facing the four walls i tend to think even more negative stuff instead of letting myself to be more stronger as it was. I try to be more independent. Please just ignore me as you want. I am already exhausted in a lot of things. I don't want to be like an idiot looking at my phone almost every few seconds. Just let me think. I really too tired.

falling heart

Now my heart is falling... Tired... Sad... So many things have to do.... God had helped me... Jiayou for myself....
Looks like i have to get things right by myself....

Chance?

Yesterday have a quarrel again... Don't know what to do... Really thinking should i give him a chance to let him to treat me good again? I really hesistate... At the split second i really cried and wan to break up... But a voice in my heart said ask him... He said he still treat me as his gf...
Although got heal my heart a bit but i still not fully happy... I need chocolate to heal my heart again... :(